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We often misunderstand each other. In every conversation, what we say and what others hear can be different.

When we listen, we think we understand clearly. But we're actually filtering everything through our own experiences, expectations, and biases. We make assumptions about what people mean. We remember similar conversations from the past. We try to guess where someone is going before they finish speaking.

This is why listening well requires discipline. It means holding back our interpretations, resisting the urge to complete someone else's sentences (whether aloud or in our minds), and letting them finish what they want to say. It means recognising that our first understanding might be wrong.

Listening is active work. It means setting aside what we expect to hear and paying attention to what the person is actually saying.

Being deliberate with our own language helps too. We can choose our words carefully, check our phrasing,…

Core values explain why some situations feel wrong even when you cannot justify it logically. When your actions fit your values, you feel settled. When they do not, tension appears quickly.

Here’s my top 5 core values. Are yours similar? Let me know!

Respect

People engage with each other as capable thinkers, listening properly and responding to what is actually said.

Fairness

Scenario

A colleague promises to send you an important document by Friday.

They send it on Monday with no explanation.

Option A

“This really stressed me out. I was anxious all weekend waiting for it.”

Option B

Scenario

You open up to someone about something personal that took effort to share.

Later, you realise they repeated it to someone else.

Option A

“I feel really hurt and exposed. I trusted you with that.”

Option B

The first question to ask is:

What made you feel this was something you ought to do?

Follow up questions:

Is this something you genuinely want, or something you think a better version of you should want?

When you think about this goal, what feeling comes up first?

If nobody judged you for dropping it, would you still want it?

Look through your recent emails to make sure you are sending clear and complete messages. How could you improve?

Before you write any important message answer these three questions:

One: Core Message "The main thing I need them to know is: _________________"

Two: What They Already Know "My audience is familiar with: _________________"

Three: What They Need to Know "To understand or act, they need: _________________”

Did you guess the same 3 questions? Or did you think of better questions?

You're explaining too much when you do these four things:

Look through your inbox to find examples of each of the 4 points. Have you sent any emails where you have done this?

Can readers or listeners act without the information? If yes don't write it or say it!

For more communication tips check out my Udemy course Get Your Point Across Clearly and Succinctly At Work.

Practical Business Communication Skills to Reduce Misunderstandings and Over-explaining:

https://www.udemy.com/course/get-your-point-across-clearly-and-succinctly/?referralCode=CE352FE1D114646A68D3