Communication Skills

NVC is a way of communicating that helps people express their needs and feelings without making the other person defensive.

The steps are: Observation, Feeling, Need, and Request.

Step 1 is Observation. You describe what you saw or heard, with no judgement. In our example: ‘When you spoke over me before I had finished.’

Step 2 is Feeling. You name the emotion you feel. In our example: ‘I felt uncomfortable.’

Step 3 is Need. You name the deeper need behind that feeling. Not what you want the other person to do. What do you need as a person? In our example: ‘because I needed to know my input was worth hearing.’

Most people who struggle to say no do not oscillate between calm and assertive. They tend to swing between passive (staying quiet, over-explaining, giving in) and occasionally sharp when the pressure finally tips over. The assertive middle is rarely visited because it feels uncomfortable or risky. This tool helps you map where you currently land and practise moving toward the centre.

Scenario

A colleague promises to send you an important document by Friday.

They send it on Monday with no explanation.

Option A

“This really stressed me out. I was anxious all weekend waiting for it.”

Option B

Scenario

You open up to someone about something personal that took effort to share.

Later, you realise they repeated it to someone else.

Option A

“I feel really hurt and exposed. I trusted you with that.”

Option B