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Saying yes when you mean no is not a habit. It is almost always meeting a real psychological need.

The behaviour makes complete sense once you understand the need beneath it. First identify which needs are driving your yes, so you can find less costly ways to meet them.

Is the strategy still working? What is the full cost of meeting the need this way?

Most people who struggle to say no do not oscillate between calm and assertive. They tend to swing between passive (staying quiet, over-explaining, giving in) and occasionally sharp when the pressure finally tips over. The assertive middle is rarely visited because it feels uncomfortable or risky. This tool helps you map where you currently land and practise moving toward the centre.

Coaching isn't just sitting back and asking open questions.  You also need to know how to ask powerful, insightful questions that lead to real breakthroughs and guide the client to the answers they have within them.

It’s a self-guided discovery with practical outcomes.  A coach works with you to define what you want to change and translate those ideas into concrete actions.

Let me know in the comments section if you have any questions about what coaching is or isn’t, or how it works.

If you are interested in trying coaching out send me a message and we can arrange a free discovery session.

We often misunderstand each other. In every conversation, what we say and what others hear can be different.

When we listen, we think we understand clearly. But we're actually filtering everything through our own experiences, expectations, and biases. We make assumptions about what people mean. We remember similar conversations from the past. We try to guess where someone is going before they finish speaking.

This is why listening well requires discipline. It means holding back our interpretations, resisting the urge to complete someone else's sentences (whether aloud or in our minds), and letting them finish what they want to say. It means recognising that our first understanding might be wrong.

Listening is active work. It means setting aside what we expect to hear and paying attention to what the person is actually saying.

Being deliberate with our own language helps too. We can choose our words carefully, check our phrasing,…

Core values explain why some situations feel wrong even when you cannot justify it logically. When your actions fit your values, you feel settled. When they do not, tension appears quickly.

Here’s my top 5 core values. Are yours similar? Let me know!

Respect

People engage with each other as capable thinkers, listening properly and responding to what is actually said.

Fairness

Scenario

A colleague promises to send you an important document by Friday.

They send it on Monday with no explanation.

Option A

“This really stressed me out. I was anxious all weekend waiting for it.”

Option B

Scenario

You open up to someone about something personal that took effort to share.

Later, you realise they repeated it to someone else.

Option A

“I feel really hurt and exposed. I trusted you with that.”

Option B

The first question to ask is:

What made you feel this was something you ought to do?

Follow up questions:

Is this something you genuinely want, or something you think a better version of you should want?

When you think about this goal, what feeling comes up first?

If nobody judged you for dropping it, would you still want it?

Look through your recent emails to make sure you are sending clear and complete messages. How could you improve?