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NVC is a way of communicating that helps people express their needs and feelings without making the other person defensive.

The steps are: Observation, Feeling, Need, and Request.

Step 1 is Observation. You describe what you saw or heard, with no judgement. In our example: ‘When you spoke over me before I had finished.’

Step 2 is Feeling. You name the emotion you feel. In our example: ‘I felt uncomfortable.’

Step 3 is Need. You name the deeper need behind that feeling. Not what you want the other person to do. What do you need as a person? In our example: ‘because I needed to know my input was worth hearing.’

Thank you Shelley for the wonderful review of my Udemy course Managing Toxic Work Relationships: Strategies for Dealing with Difficult or Narcissistic Colleagues and Bosses.

I wrote this course from personal experience. Unfortunately I've had my fair share of dealing with different types of toxic colleagues and bosses. It's one of the reasons I decided to become a coach: so I should be my own boss but also help others who are struggling to deal with difficult workplace situations.

It isn't something we shouldn't have to put up with but unfortunately we will come across so many during our careers and they can make our lives hell!

I've also faced the awkward situation of a boss developing feelings for me. I didn't handle it well at the time, so through my course and my coaching practice I hope to help others deal with it way better than I did!

If…

Saying yes when you mean no is not a habit. It is almost always meeting a real psychological need.

The behaviour makes complete sense once you understand the need beneath it. First identify which needs are driving your yes, so you can find less costly ways to meet them.

Is the strategy still working? What is the full cost of meeting the need this way?

Most people who struggle to say no do not oscillate between calm and assertive. They tend to swing between passive (staying quiet, over-explaining, giving in) and occasionally sharp when the pressure finally tips over. The assertive middle is rarely visited because it feels uncomfortable or risky. This tool helps you map where you currently land and practise moving toward the centre.

Coaching isn't just sitting back and asking open questions.  You also need to know how to ask powerful, insightful questions that lead to real breakthroughs and guide the client to the answers they have within them.

It’s a self-guided discovery with practical outcomes.  A coach works with you to define what you want to change and translate those ideas into concrete actions.

Let me know in the comments section if you have any questions about what coaching is or isn’t, or how it works.

If you are interested in trying coaching out send me a message and we can arrange a free discovery session.

We often misunderstand each other. In every conversation, what we say and what others hear can be different.

When we listen, we think we understand clearly. But we're actually filtering everything through our own experiences, expectations, and biases. We make assumptions about what people mean. We remember similar conversations from the past. We try to guess where someone is going before they finish speaking.

This is why listening well requires discipline. It means holding back our interpretations, resisting the urge to complete someone else's sentences (whether aloud or in our minds), and letting them finish what they want to say. It means recognising that our first understanding might be wrong.

Listening is active work. It means setting aside what we expect to hear and paying attention to what the person is actually saying.

Being deliberate with our own language helps too. We can choose our words carefully, check our phrasing,…

Core values explain why some situations feel wrong even when you cannot justify it logically. When your actions fit your values, you feel settled. When they do not, tension appears quickly.

Here’s my top 5 core values. Are yours similar? Let me know!

Respect

People engage with each other as capable thinkers, listening properly and responding to what is actually said.

Fairness

Scenario

A colleague promises to send you an important document by Friday.

They send it on Monday with no explanation.

Option A

“This really stressed me out. I was anxious all weekend waiting for it.”

Option B

Scenario

You open up to someone about something personal that took effort to share.

Later, you realise they repeated it to someone else.

Option A

“I feel really hurt and exposed. I trusted you with that.”

Option B